Kitchen Ravish
by holland.sexapples
Summary: Itachi chases Kisame in the kitchen. M for mature themes, sexual conduct and language. Crack-fic. The biggest bullshit ever written


Warning for the little babies: It gets graphic.

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"Okay I'm only trying to be honest, but these eggs are almost lukewarm." said Kisame as he pushed his plate away from the table in disgust. Itachi just sighed patting Kisame on the back. "I know times are tough right now, but things will get better." murmured Itachi, "I feel your loneliness; You being alone all the time while I'm out searching for a well balanced job to raise enough money for food, clothing and housing, its hard."

As Itachi ranted on he began caressing Kisame's shoulder even harder, for comfort reasons only of course.

"I mean working outside of the house, coming home and preparing a meal over a hot stove isn't all what its cracked up to be." chuckled Itachi suppressing a reassuring smile while beginning to grope both of the blue man's shoulders. Kisame only grunted while smacking the Uchiha's lustrous, milky polished hands away. "What is it Kisame! What more can I possibly do for you?" screamed Itachi as he smacked the edge of the table.

Kisame couldn't take it anymore. "I'm leaving" he said grimly while standing up slightly sliding the chair back; except the chair only moved a few inches before it hit the back wall. "FUCK!" he yelled as his once light baby blue face had turned into a deep dark shade of gay purple. The space between him, the table and the wall was to small for his fat body to squeeze through. "You sick son of bitch! This was a trap!"

Itachi grinned playfully. "It's time you learned about...my real job Kisame-san"

The blue man tried rattling and pushing the table, but without his giant tampon sword he was defenseless. Itachi grabbed Kisame's cheek bones. "Get prepared, this, this might just freak you out."

"Go to hell!!" he replied.

"I don't really work at the Konoha Hospital..."

-Dramatic Pause-

"I'm actually a prostitute."

As Itachi began breaking down, Kisame's eyes bulged open like two giant butt holes. Finally it all became clear.

"I've had sex with multiple partners. For instance, yesterday when I couldn't make it to your soccer game; it was actually because I was at Kakashi Hatake's house." said Itachi as a few tears began to flow out of his beautiful twinkling coal black eyes. "He He He paid me seven dollars to kiss his penis!"

An uncomfortable silence settled between them both.

"I know that I shouldn't have, but I couldn't let you go hungry."

Kisame became so angry that a giant fart had slipped ever so suddenly through the passage that was tightly secured between his butt cheeks. "This whole time! This whole time, you didn't tell me. How could you."

Itachi didn't answer, only a waterfall of tears jumbled down his face. He had a fetish as well, every time he cried, he'd lick his salty tears off of his pearly skin. The tears tasted so good, oh so good. Those tears made him remember how sex was so arousing, suddenly, suddenly those tears of his triggered the biggest boner of his life. A large stick thicker than three inches and longer than nine, burst right out of his pants, accidental poking Kisame in the eye.

"SICK AND NASTY!!" yelled Kisame with a bloodcurling scream as he jumped onto the table and began running towards the living room.

Itachi produced a self-confident smile.

"I think you mean BIG AND TASTY!" replied Itachi as he unzipped his pants, ripped off the window blinds and began running bare bottomless after Kisame. "If you let me touch your silky baby I'll let you lick mine..come on Kisame you know you want to! Lets get jiggly with it."

Screaming, Kisame finally entered the living room picking up a large moldy sock that he had been harvesting behind the couch for two years. It rotted of sour milk, m&m's and a ton of carpet furries. '_Right when he enters the room I'll throw this at him...and all hell will run loose.' _

One minute, two minutes, three minutes passed and Kisame was still crouched in the corner with a nasty sock gripped in his hand. '_where the fuck is he?'_ he thought.

"The cheese stands alone" said Itachi as he popped out of the bathroom instead of the kitchen with his wanger pointing in Kisame's direction.

-gasp- Kisame screamed again, eyes bulged out as big as butt holes and out of fright he let another fart rip loose.

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You may open your virgin eyes now, and comment.


End file.
